All of this to say, when I heard that Ellen Heed, a holistic health educator who also does bodywork, was working with postpartum women to support sexual health and vitality I was interested. And being a double virgo, it seemed to me that having this work done pre-partum rather than post baby would set me up for a better experience later on. Also, I’ve had pretty severe pain with my period for a lot of years, and I was curious to see if some of this inner-vaginal body work might help.
Yep, inner-vaginal body work (it’s actually called sexological bodywork). I’m blushing as I write. It makes perfect sense. Pregnancy, birth, as well as many other life events, biopsies, surgeries, sexual traumas, endometriosis, can create scar tissue and adhesions in the pelvic cavity. This kind of constriction can cause pain during sex. So many women believe painful sex is normal. It’s not. Pain is a clear signal of something being out of harmony. Yet, so often this stuff stays in the dark.
Here’s the thing, enjoying sex helps when you’re trying to get pregnant (orgasms actually facilitate conception)! Pain and tension are not very conducive to enjoyment and pleasure. Having experienced bodywork with Ellen before, I figured I would also learn some things about my own anatomy. Unfortunately far too many women (and doctors) are un/misinformed when it comes to the internal workings of the female genitalia.
Here’s what I didn’t expect, a spiritual experience – This was essentially a bodywork session like any other I have had with Ellen. She is generous with her knowledge and incredibly attuned to where the body is holding both physically and energetically. I was nervous when she began to work inside of me, nervous enough that I kept talking, asking questions and probably babbling a bit.
Then there was a moment that stopped my chatter. With her hands inside of this most sacred part of my body, this place of pleasure and communion, this place where I hope to conceive and carry a child, I felt spaciousness. My experience wasn’t sexual in any way. Nor was it clinical. As pliability returned to constricted tissue, as held energy released, I felt a vastness I have never experienced.
In that moment, I could feel (which is much different than intellectually knowing) there is more than enough room for a baby inside of my body. Not only that, it felt as if there was room for the entire universe to be cradled in my womb. I felt connected to all of humanity, to all of creation, to all women and children everywhere.
Honestly, I was totally overwhelmed by the power of this connection to LIFE. My finite human being-ness could only tolerate so much of the infinite before I broke the spell by talking again. I have thought of that often. I plan to return to Ellen after having a baby. If and when I do, I hope to allow myself more quiet.
It’s been about a year since my session with Ellen. The pain from my endometriosis has continued to decrease. Awareness of my internal anatomy has brought even more pleasure to my sex life. Most profound has been this new connection to my womb and how it connects me, child or no child, simply within the structure of my feminine self, to humanity and the divine.
When I am guided into my body wisdom I continually meet the essence of life. And in this space the feminine is awakening more and more. In my cells I can feel the deep worship of the Goddess that is a legacy for all of humanity if we choose it. Worshipping life, cycles, earth-wisdom.
Check back for the next post on Friday. Ellen is the first of the master healers I am honored to share with you. She generously granted me an interview where she offers great experience and wisdom (and a fun ‘do it yourself’ tool too!)
by Amy Loubalu (3-October-12) TO VIEW AMY’S BLOG CLICK HERE