What is Somatic Sex Education?


(Written by Caffyn Jesse – Somatic Sex Educator Canada)

It can be hard to explain Somatic Sex Education. Do people really heal and learn through the experience of erotic massage, masturbation, play and pleasure. Here is a story about “Melissa” one special client will inform and inspire.

Melissa is a woman in her late forties who came from Eastern Canada for a residential retreat with me on Salt Spring Island. This is part of a message she left, when she went home:

Guided by Receiver Caffyn Jesse“A million thanks couldn’t begin to thank you enough. You have opened so many doors and taken down so many walls down for me. I have so loved this week with you.”

On her intake form, Melissa said she could not recall a good sexual experience. She had grown up in a religious environment where sex was sin. She had experienced the trauma of rape within a long-term relationship, and she felt shame that she had not acted more powerfully to prevent it. Her self-pleasuring practice was desultory. She shrunk from possibilities for play and pleasure, because of her fears. Yet she had a sense that her journey to healing and wholeness needed to include sexual healing and wholeness, and she found her way to my studio.

Our time together began with conversation about her sexual history and desires. Then we explored with actual body experiences how she could learn to listen to her body – to feel and follow the inner yes, to trust and express the inner no. We practiced Orgasmic Yoga by masturbating together, learning to amplify sexual feeling with breath, sound, movement and imagination, and to give mindful attention to the cascade of body sensation that is generated by conscious touch.

We considered genital anatomy and mapped our body parts, sharing stories of how we had been hurt, what felt good, and what we wanted for the future of our vulvas. We explored what stopped her from giving herself whole-heartedly to pleasure – as she felt into her distractions, shame, fear, and physiological inhibitions. We found touch that connected her with grief and fear she needed to express. As she trusted me more, she dared to share fantasies that seemed shameful, and we investigated how she might translate troublesome turn-ons into desires that could be explored in life-affirming, playful ways.

We followed the question “How would you like to be touched?” in small 2-minute increments, and then expanded into longer sessions. Melissa had day after day of practice listening to her body, expressing desire, being listened to, following her joy, tracking her distractions, and feeling into how she was resourced and resourceful in this realm. A world of possibility could open up for her, because this was not theory. This was actual, embodied experience.


erotic-massage-Caffyn-JesseSomatic Sex Education practices are body-based, because we carry our life histories in our bodies. Experiences, anxieties and freedoms shape gesture, posture, and access to genital feeling. Somatic practices begin with bringing awareness to sensations, breath, body expression, body boundaries and moods. We learn to scan the body to find places of desire and resistance. We gain awareness of emotions and how they are felt as body sensation.

We learn ways to breathe, move and use voice and gesture that help us become balanced and grounded. We gain the power to shift feelings of fear and habits of dissociation. We can witness and address self-limiting contractions, and develop more choice in our bodies and our being.Erotic massage, masturbation, play and pleasure are employed on this journey, because they are life-enhancing practices. When used with knowledge, sensitivity and clear boundaries, these practices of Somatic Sex Education are what can guide us from embodying habit, constraint, and closure in our erotic lives.

We can learn to actually live open lives of flexibility and expansion, wherein sexual energy is welcomed and cultivated as a wellspring of joy.“You have opened so many doors and taken down so many walls down for me.” Melissa’s words tell me she has found access to her own courage and resilience. She can dare to explore and embody erotic freedom, even in a world that would shame and constrain sexual energy. She can draw on her lived experiences of play and pleasure, communication and boundary-setting. She has actually tasted her huge capacities for healing and delight.


More information about Residential Retreats (Canada) HERE

If you feel a calling to become involved in this work, I will be offering a Certificate in Intimacy Education program with a residency on Salt Spring Island November 18th to 23rd, plus one in the Spring. More information HERE

For more about Somatic Sex Education, see the video HERE

This unique training prepares people to offer erotic massage, either to friends or professionally, with knowledge of techniques, benefits, complexities, and precautions. In a residential intensive on beautiful Salt Spring Island, plus home study and guided practice, you will learn basic “how-to,” while exploring the potential of erotic massage for healing trauma, empowering joyful exchanges, and offering a spiritual journey.

Completing the residential intensive plus supervised home study leads to a Certificate in Intimacy Education. Cost including accommodations for the residential intensive: $1075

Caffyn offers the program to grounded, ethical, passionate, self-directed learners who feel a calling to this path. Caffyn’s original writings on erotic massage form the core teachings. See outline here: (Learn Erotic Massage).

Students have free access to all of Caffyn’s video courses plus the huge library of online classes at the New School of Erotic Touch.

The New School Of Erotic Touch 3

Caffyn Jesse CanadaTo apply for registration contact Caffyn at cj@erospirit.ca

Phone/text 250-537-1967

More about Caffyn: www.erospirit.ca

This post was written by Caffyn Jesse Canada.

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About Aleena Aspley

Yoni Whisperer - Aleena Aspley of North Brisbane Australia is a Certified Somatic Sexologist, (Sexological Bodyworker) USA 2010 ALEENA'S CREDENTIALS. Certified Somatic Sexologist (Sexological Bodyworker) USA 2010 Over eight years experience relaxing people of all Genders-since 2005 Owner of Kinkassage Sensual & Adventurous Erotic Adult Massage Owner of Tantra Kinkassage Sublime Transformational & Intuitive Tantric Adult Massage Owner Of Domme Kinkassage Avant-garde, Playful & Edgy Domination for Adults Male Multiples Makeover for Men - Multiple Orgasm / Ejaculation Optional Quodoushka 1 & 2 Graduate March 2014 Angel Intuitive Graduate with Doreen Virtue 2013 Certificate in Lomi Lomi Hawaiian relaxation Urban Tantra Professional with Barbara Carrelas 2012 Certified Bondassage Practitioner 2011 Reiki 1&2 2010 Theta Healer 2010 Dakini Course with Triambica 2011 USA Andrew Barnes-Awakening Within Institute- Luminous Energy Orgasms 2011 Reflexology Certificate 1996 Les Mills PUMP instructor Training 1995 Lifeline Telephone Befriender 1995 Certificate in Human movement as a Fitness Trainer 1989 FUTURE COURSES OF INTEREST TO ME Chakradance (2014) Sweet Medicine Shamanic De-armoring (2014) Sweet Medicine Red Lodge Program (2015)